The Day After!

I LIVE! Spoken in the voice of Mushu (Eddie Murphy in the movie Mulan).

For those of you who don't  know me personally, I have quite a few kidney stones. Usually I can handle it and move on but I had a bad time yesterday. I had to leave work (which I hate) and come home and medicate. I am probably the only girl with a prescription for Flomax at my local pharmacy. Anyway, stripping off naked and twisting and turning til I was sore all over, I finally started to void again this morning. I had not voided for 18 hours, it was like Tom Hanks in any movie he has ever acted in. Anyway, I felt so much better and I lived through another one.

 So now, I'm up and feeling great ready for the day. I plan on making the most of this time without the children to do some much needed homework and also just enjoy the question-less, no arguing, no running, fight-free environment.  I'm going to watch all my crime shows stored on my DVR (48 hours, Dateline, etc.) while the kids are home and solve the crime before they do, all without having to pause it to break up a riot or answer an odd question.

  Now I begin my day and await all that it has to hold, until 3pm, when "they" come home. Jeremy and I were discussing how we can't wait until they grow up and have families. We plan on randomly showing up and doing the same shit they have done to us. Draw on the walls with sharpies and crayons, pee all over the bathroom, drag shit out that you just put up, leave bread crumbs on the counter top, leave their car doors open until the battery is dead, call 911, fight like worst enemies, lose your keys, put important shit in the trash, bring in animals to take care of, the list just goes on. We plan on giving what we got, in our golden years we will strive to make their lives as memorable as ours has been.

On a positive note, I just got a couple of new bras. I'm sure this is not a big deal to most but to me, HUGE. I am a woman of "mammary means" and have a hard time finding the right undergarment. My favorite brand just went on sale at 40% off! I ordered 3. It takes the right kind of bra to lift and separate these jewels. I will tell you a secret that all the naturally big busted girls won't, after a certain age they don't look good without a bra on. My description would be tube socks full of sand, all the bulk on the bottom (as well as the nipple) and the stem or root of the breast is just exactly as I described, a stem. There is something about new undergarments that make you feel nice. 

Oprah (our dog) has enjoyed the air conditioning in the house lately as I feel like its been too hot for her to be out.  That and she got stuck under Jeremy's truck not long ago and we had to jack it up to let her get out. I let her in and she sleeps in the same spot. Jeremy was making fun of her because she snores while awake. She is a larger, older dog and doesn't want to be identified by her weight, she is perfect in my eyes. Bless her heart, the expression used in the South that makes it perfectly OK to talk about someone horribly. Truly it works. "She smells like ass and cat food, bless her heart." Everyone does it, it seems so harmless because you recognize the problem, want to say it, but not seem like a bitch. I use this expression often.

I really appreciate every one's views of my blogging, please feel free to leave comments or share my link. My hopes of becoming all I can be depend on YOU! Otherwise I'm just some heavy set funny girl who writes about her life so everyone can see, bless her heart.