I'm pretty sure Dantes 7th level of Hell involves children fighting. When they are not screaming and assaulting each other, they are crying. My days and nights are consumed with disappointing them at every turn. I spend my free time plotting against their fun, laughter, and freedom. It is my job, I'm first and foremost a MOTHER.
As a lot of you know, I am a mother of 4 really good kids. These kids however, often piss me off beyond belief. I walked in the door after a long, hard day at work and my 10 y/o doesn't even look up from his Nook and says "Did you get my band money". I had tried to call my 16 y/o on my way home from work and my 2 calls went straight to voicemail, the 2 youngest are running around wreaking havoc, and yet I feel guilty.I'm sitting on the couch doing homework and my oldest calls my cell and says he's sorry he missed my call. I had to break it to him that I had been home for awhile and was currently in the living room. WTF! I will never understand how I got to this status. I remember how not too long how they rushed to the door just to see me, just me. Not to ask me a barrage of endless questions that did not include how I was or if I had a good day. Thus, that is why we don't let them vote. I love them so very much, just some days they aren't very likeable. Today would be a day described kinda like that.
I am lying in bed watching Brave (as I do every fucking night of my life) hoping to instill some female power in my youngest child and only daughter. I refuse to raise the victim, if I can help it. I detest the women of the world who tousle their hair and play coy, and life seems to follow them around begging them to take favor or perhaps that is just my jealousy. After all, a lot of those girls don't have to work 10 or 12 hours taking care of people who will never know their name. Those women sit on breakfast nooks and have breakfast with their friends and plan shit they saw on Pinterest (and actually do it, they are probably building those awesome pallet patio furniture sets as we speak) and wait on their husbands and children who ask how they are to come home. Damn those sluts. If only I had been born beautiful, with a waist.
Instead I'm considering offering specialty services on Craigslist. Not that kind, mind you but just a disturbing or even more so. I'll be the one offering baths and if you want to be treated like an adult baby for an hour and shit like that. If I thought I could make enough money to pay for Wyatt's tooth (broken doing the worm, just in case you missed that post) in cash, I would post tonight what days and nights I am available.
Oh well, so much for dreaming about paid for dental work. I'm back to the grind tomorrow for another 10 hours of anonymous work (if I don't get called in tonight) but, at least I'm working with my friend Deborah. She is one of the nicest people I know especially to be so hot. She's got guns like a professional wrestler, but she's all heart. Today was also 2 of my friends at work had birthdays today, D Money and Angie. Also 2 of the most genuine people I'll ever have the privilege of meeting.
So much going on right now, most of it good. I'm actually considering taking a trip, which if you know me that is really big time. I have this horrible morbid anxiety about traveling. I don't know why but I will turn into a blubbering mass of anxiety the minute we get 2 hours outside of Overton County. This has prevented me from ever seeing the ocean, visiting all the great historical sites I watch documentaries on, accepting invitations for all sorts of things, and I'm sincerely considering doing it. My hopes are that slowly I can reduce my anxiety by introducing "safe" trips, either that or benzodiazepines.
Well, I should wrap this up and so I can make my "ways to disappoint the kids" list for tomorrow. The sound of children moaning in disappointment and crying just puts me at ease. Its better than Little Debbie's cakes for relaxation.
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