Pinterest and turkey feathers

            My first day back to work after the “illness”. I tried in vain today to do the floor to full day, some may call it the couch to 5k. After my illness, it’s floor to 5K. I am in survival mode. I made it the full day, I managed to show up, and try my hardest to do what I was there for.

 I was looking at one of my coworkers and she was wearing a Christmas scrub cap…Great. I need more pressure. I ask her if she had sold out and was on the same holiday schedule as Walmart (who was peddling costumes not more than 2 weeks ago)? The same retailer who now they have their tinsel up for trade. Assholes.

          Like I need a reminder of what a failure that I am as I wait outside of the daycare ready to pick up Charleigh Joe. I can’t remember the code to unlock the door. Great. I will wait until someone comes out but no one lets me in. I try to get someone’s attention through the windows. This looks even worse. I look disheveled with my hair and makeup unkempt, and I am wearing house shoes. I look dangerous, I would not allow this person into my child’s daycare, and I am harmless.

 I am also very glad that the workers knew me as no one was going to allow the “odd woman in her house shoes” looking through the windows into the daycare. I have known these ladies for years and they accept me with all my faults and I know it is a safe place.

          As I get the daycare coordinator’s attention and she allows me access to my fourth born child, Charleigh Joe’s teacher reminds me that Charleigh Joe has not returned her turkey feather that she was to decorate at home….. I really need one more thing to do, this is why I don’t have a goddamn real Christmas tree! I’m really overwhelmed and in survival mode. I am trying to stay afloat, it’s not looking good.

 I’m not a Pinterest whore who can repurpose everything and make cute shit from bleach bottles and bits of old crayons. I’m the crazy lady walking around the daycare looking in windows because I can’t remember the code. I am the one no one wants to make eye contact with, I am the REAL MOM, the one who does well to remember that she’s supposed to pick up the children, remember their names on the first try, and that I must return home each night.

          I don’t need ONE MORE reminder of what a failure I am as a parent. Damn you repurposing bitches, I want you to try my world.  A world where you pray that everyone comes home, and no news is good news. I live in a world where you smell of it before you try it on, eat it, or even ask what it is. I live the life of a woman with 4 awesome kids, a perfect husband, and an inherent dislike of those who can take a random snapshot of their house and not see laundry or toys in the background that must be cropped out later. I am real, and so is my family. Don’t give in to the retail folks who say it’s ok to put up wreaths and tinsel, it’s not time….

          To those who find this offensive, I’m truly sorry. I am jealous of your perfect handmade hair bows, delicious recipes of cranberry sauce, and handmade place settings…..I’m sorry I am jealous. So, fuck off.

          It’s not Christmas time until Little Debbie comes forward with the Christmas tree cakes. So, there you go.

          Day #13: I am thankful that I can laugh and not cry.