How will I ever have a European Cheese Hamper if these kids don't go back to school?

Item #02-4229100 European Cheese Hamper

  

I came home from work early today and walked into the equivalent of a “housedad’s” bad day. Jeremy was standing at the counter with his glasses still on (he HATES wearing them) and was playing one of the kids video games. The children were running around like wild banshees and the house was just….sticky.

          I could tell that I had gotten home just in the nick of time, before he turned into one of “them”. Children have been known to overpower the minds of adults and turn them to mush, or manipulate them in kind of a Stockholm syndrome thing. I do not recognize my own husband. There is a bicycle in the living room. It is time for some order in this house.

          These children need to go back to school before they ruin my husband and therefore ruin my marriage. We need extra school days. I know right now if you put them on the spot, my children wouldn’t know their multiplication tables up to the 12’s. I can guarantee it. It would be a perfect school “project” to work on during the holidays. I bet that given the right amount of advertisement, it would be a hit among those whose marriage was strained because of the holidays.

          Also, what ever happened to putting the child first? My children are the first to school, first to bed, first to be disciplined, etc. I also personally think we aren’t taking care of ourselves because we don’t have enough school days.

 Remember on the airplane, you are supposed to put on your own mask so that you can help others. I didn’t even get a mask, and judging by the state of my husband, he has been without one for WAY too long. I may have to put him down. It’s touch and go.

          I hate losing the daily routine that these long holidays can ruin. I think that we as parents should stand together and demand a more structured environment that includes less holiday time and more school days. It may be all that saves us from them. It is the perfect way to put our children first.

          If anyone has time, I posted a link to The Haters guide to the Williams-Sonoma Catalog written by a blogger on Deadspin http://deadspin.com/5959212/the-haters-guide-to-the-williams+sonoma-catalog?fb_action_ids=714492621902697&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582 . It was sent to me by my cousin and it is hilarious. Well, to someone like me. Me, meaning poor, uncultured, and unexposed to the finer things in life. That is one fine piece of writing and I hope that I can be that good someday. Take a look at it, drink it in, and laugh your ass off like I did. Every day that I don’t get that European Cheese Hamper is like a knife in my heart. Please, don’t make me wait any longer…..