Oh my, we now have great news. We
are going home. Charleigh Joe has been discharged and she is on the mend. She told
me the ice cream here was “too good”. I hope that she doesn’t want to stay just
for the treats. I know that mama is ready for us to come home. We face timed
her this morning and I’m not so sure she wasn’t drunk and I can’t blame her.
Oh
lord, how am I going to pay for all of this? It’s just now sinking in that
these “vacations and procedures, and hospital stays” are going to cost money
and since I am barely making ends meet now, I need to explore my options….
I already work full time taking
extra call as I can, sell Mary Kay, it’s not doing as well as I had hoped but
it’s still making some profit. I am an avid Craigslist reader, perhaps I could
offer my “services” to those in need but I need to get the money up front on a PayPal
account before they see me, otherwise I’m screwed. NO ONE is gonna pay money for
as “standard” with this girl.
Maybe there is someone out there who
is looking for a soft, doughy, mother-like woman to boss them around? Someone
they could large amounts of money to tell them how to do things, what they are
doing wrong, and maybe do some of their laundry provided that they have the
appropriate products. The appropriate products would be Gain original scent
powder, fabric softener, and dryer sheets.
I highly doubt anyone out there
needs a cranky housewife (on loan of course) so I guess I’ll just have to figure
out other ways to pay these bills. I am quite skilled at a lot of different
things, none of which my marital vows will permit me to do. I have a lot of
kids but the law stands in the way of that one. I guess I could teach them to
quilt or make Amish stoves or something.
Matthew is a big boy who is capable of doing
some manual labor, he just won’t want to turn over that money. Wyatt is quite a
salesman and could help with the selling of these products. Cooper however,
that may be a problem or a blessing. He is a “people person” who likes to get
to know every single person he meets, complete with exchanging personal
information and he also won’t let a sale get away. I may have the perfect
combination if I can figure out what we can make. Damn those Amish for having
the money for those commercials!
Jeremy
can help with transportation and “other services”. I would release him to
perform if the price was right. Now, we aren’t talking about 50.00$, it’s gotta
be at least 2 Benjamin’s to get my attention, and some things are off limits.
Oh
if I had been born rich instead of beau…poor. I wish that I could work at my
leisure and have the money to provide a decent lifestyle for my family. I wish
that I could be the best mom in the world, but I don’t know exactly what that
means but, I’ve never gotten a trophy. I would settle for a trophy, any kind of
trophy….
Oh
well, I guess that Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital will just have to go on the
list of people I owe money to and get their measly 50.00$ per month for the
rest of my life. But if anyone knows someone looking for a Craigslist “mama”,
please give them my name. I would be willing to stretch the work duties to
include some non-penetration motherly activities such as baths, diaper changes
(you must provide your own diapers), nursing and naptime. This of course will
be on the more expensive end of my services. I will not wash bottles, provide
diapers, diaper cream, and formula/juice.
If
any of this sounds like it could be “your cup of tea” and you have the Ben’s to
back it up, look for me on Craigslist, codename Mary Kay!
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