School pictures and constipation.....

I am on the edge. I am a bad ass bitch and just like the song says, she cracks her knuckles and looks for a fight. I am just over tired and cannot control what is coming from my mouth anymore. I really don’t give a shit. I ripped a tag off a mattress today. Yeah, I know I’m living on the edge, what are you gonna do about it?

I sit and look at the school pictures placed before me. My children look homeless. How is it that you plan out their haircuts, outfits, accessories, etc. and from the time they leave your car and sit down in the photographer’s chair, they look homeless? Like they are dressed from your neighbor’s yard sale?           

I just don’t understand how this can happen and now I have to pay 45$ per kid for a bunch of shitty pictures. Yes, I have too. Otherwise they are the only kids in their class that returns their photos without buying. Therefore their parents are douches. I’m not a douche.

Why must things be so hard? Why can’t I just not buy the stupid bad school pictures? I must. That is what good parent’s do, they buy the good pictures and the bad pictures. Now 45 dollars times 4 kids is 180 dollars. That is a week’s groceries in bad pictures, but at least I will have captured all the “phases” of the children’s lives and hopefully we won't have to eat them.

My oldest called me today from school to tell me he had to be picked up. I of course ask why, and ….he had to poop. Yes, poop. He couldn’t pinch it off at school or choke it off for another hour? He HAD to be picked up. What is the school system coming to when you can’t get decent school pictures and can’t shit at school?

What is it about men and pooping? They have to be at home, on their regular schedule, strip off naked, not be bothered to poop. Women have been crapping with an audience and I would say that ¾ have had the bathroom door at a restaurant swung open by a corralled child whilst trying to take a quiet dump in a bathroom restroom. Why are men so different? They think that if they skip a day then they are constipated. Constipated to me means that you are shitting rabbit balls and blood. Missing a day does not constitute constipation.

What exactly is the world coming to? I don’t know if I’m prepared to live life this way, not pooping in public, paying for bad pictures and frankly I don’t know if I want to. I’m a bad ass bitch.