Valentines Day rules

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. I’m sure that Wal Mart has their wide array of cheap polyester nighties all lined up for sale and the Winnie the Pooh valentine shirts for the “big girls” who cannot wear the nighties. The aisle of valentine candy and chocolates is probably full of last minute shoppers who are trying hard to remedy their decision to wait.

To all the lonely women out there who will be forced to watch others desks fill up with arrangements of flowers, fear not as I have a solution. First and foremost have at least 2 arrangements delivered to yourself with only the initial D on the card. Then as the day wears on, slide around to the forward facing portion of the desk and secretly remove the cards from the bitch’s desk. You know, the ones who are so full of flowers that they smell like the funeral home….and write some crude message or gross co-workers name on the card and quietly slip it back in. She will be too busy showing off her flowers to notice that the card says, I can’t wait to screw you up the ass. Now, whether you think this is “right” or “not funny”, fuck you as you have obviously never been alone on Valentine’s Day.  

 Now is the time that all men should be finalizing the plans that will woo their mate. Instead, these men will wait until tomorrow and rush and make poor choices. They play “beat the clock” and start looking at gift sets. When I say gift sets, I mean lotions and cheap perfumes. No woman should be forced to wear White Diamonds because of poor planning. It’s just not right but oftentimes it’s just how it goes. This day is set aside each year to show your loved ones just how much you love and adore them, how you couldn’t live without them, and how you must show your affection by spending money on them.

Not that I am opposed to receiving expensive gifts… it’s just that we should show our loved ones daily how much we love them. I do this daily by not killing, maiming, or intentionally emotionally scarring them. I know the cold hard truth, that God gave us a thing called mothers love. He did this so we wouldn’t eat our children as soon as they were born, like pigs do. He foresaw all of the crayon wall drawings, washcloths flushed down the toilet, and last minute science projects. He knew that unless he gave us this special love that forgives, we would turn into pigs.

Other types of love I experience is the love of a mate. I have the world’s best mate. He is the love of my life and I could not breathe without him, I am lost without him. Now, with that being said I can guarantee he has not planned anything for Valentine’s Day yet. He will get the kids off to school tomorrow and then set about trying to plan/purchase something for me. Not that it bothers me at all, I would be satisfied with a card with his sentiments and a good screw; and some chocolate covered cherries would be nice.

I spent the noon time hour with my favorite urology practitioner and friend. “Connie” is one of those people that when you meet, you know that you have found a kindred spirit. She is one of the smartest and down-to-earth people I have ever met. You know where you stand and I like that. She always makes me feel at peace (which is hard to do when you are talking about my pee-pee hole) and manages to make me smile when I don’t feel like it. CT scan, kidney stone is over! It only took 2 weeks of misery for me to pass it. It was worth it just to get to see my friend.

Just as I suspected, Jeremy has plans to run to town to pick up Valentines for Cooper and Charleigh Joe to take to school. I reminded him and he immediately went into planning mode. He always seems to pull it off. I can’t understand his methods but as long as manages to get things done. He knows his strengths and uses them to his advantage.  

I am proud to announce that I am going to be an auntie once again! My brother Chad and his wonderful wife Megan are expecting a baby girl due in July. I am so excited. I’ve had baby fever as Charleigh Joe will soon be turning 3. I was prepared to look into buying a newborn and now I won’t have to commit a felony. I’ll have a new baby to hold and spoil, and a girl at that. That makes me very happy.