Due to inclement weather, Halloween has now been moved....Great, now the kids hate me too.

            How odd is that I was just blogging about falling and had the mother of all falls yesterday at a company picnic?  Wow, talk about embarrassing. I’d just about have rather shit in a Hardee’s cup in my car while waiting on a traffic ticket….maybe not that bad. Yeah, it was that bad.

            It was at the “Fall Fun Fest” employee appreciation day at my work and yesterday’s festivities were comprised of a lunch served to us under a large tent in the parking lot with our directors and various other members of the staff “serving” us. It is always nice to be recognized and yesterday was no different. They served catered BBQ with all the fixin’s and I was a happy girl.

            After maneuvering through the line, I looked about the CROWD of people who were all sitting around eating and enjoying themselves and began looking for my friends….and when I spotted them, I took off walking towards them. For a split second, I didn’t even realize that I was falling. It wasn’t real until the (small “normal” sized portion) bag of Lay’s Original chips I was carrying along with my BBQ sandwich popped under my collapsing body, making a gunshot like noise. I was on the ground and EVERYONE was looking at me because of the noise of those FUCKING chips.

            Over the years I have become quite an expert of falling and have become quite proficient in the studying of the silent fall. I think that had those chips not exploded and given me away, then I could have perhaps at least not been completely humiliated, but God had a different plan. To humble me, to quite literally bring me to my knees, elbows, etc. in front of my peers.

            In my hurry to make the most of my appreciation lunch and socialization with my friends, I neglected to see the 3FT TALL STAKE that was helping to hold the tent up. The only thing I can deduce is that had the tent fallen down it would have been a message to all. Since I fell down and the tent remained, the message was pretty specifically to me…

            My friends and several others responded quickly in order to help to get my fat ass up and off the ground ASAP. I was not ready immediately to get up. I had to gather myself mentally for what was coming and physically make sure nothing was broken, like my entire body…..I had fallen just a few feet from the security guards at our hospital who all visibly were upset that their employee appreciation lunch had been disturbed by a whale rolling around in the parking lot, so determined to get that peach cobbler and ice cream at the end of the meal,  she rushed and fell. What a dumb ass I felt like. They finally put down their forks and made it over to me….Was I hurt? Really, like this size girl can fall and not get hurt? Yes, and make sure there is no one trapped under me if you’re not too busy……

 If only I’d broken both of my arms or something bad then people wouldn’t make fun of me. As it stands, I’m sure I’ve been fodder for many jokes the past 2 days.

            I will start them myself:

·         Due to my fall, I have caused the incoming inclement weather and therefore am solely responsible for Halloween being moved.

·         Due to my fall, I have changed the atmosphere and now Daylight savings time begins on Friday night instead of Saturday night.

·         Due to my fall, the company who placed the tent in the parking lot has now been commissioned by the US military to begin “tenting” computer facilities for the Maricopa County Sheriff’s department.

·         Due to my fall, no more Staff Appreciation Days will be held outside without a shuttle through the parking lot and a corral to slow down the traffic.

Several people have ask me if I’m ok. I am so sore, Rodney King (God rest his soul) has nothing on me. I hurt everywhere. I cannot believe that I am so bruised and took a full chunk out of one knee. I am alive, for now. I am thankful that I didn’t break both my arms. I only wish that the whole incident could have not happened.

It did happen, and I am forever changed both mentally and physically as that is the largest crowd I have ever performed for….I am signing off tonight from the Sleep lab at CRMC for a split night sleep study. Nothing like sleeping away from home, in a small bed, with strangers sleeping around you, while being videotaped. Wow, when you put it like that, it sounds kind of like jail with the exception of ……Goodnight.