One of the most dreaded feelings ever....

                So, I have been off the radar for a few days. I was almost ready for an episode of SNAPPED. The kids are all well (thank GOD) and our lives seem to be back to normal. I am back to work, the kids are back to school, and Jeremy has his days back. That is important because if Daddy ain’t happy no one is happy.           

            I feel like I have fumbled all day. I have dropped and tripped until I just can’t stand myself. I don’t know if it is fatigue as I have not been sleeping well, or just that I’m growing clumsier by the day. Stumbling, falling, or dropping a sterile instrument in an OR is about the equivalent of taking a dump away from home and clogging up the toilet.

First comes the panic, realizing that you have to take a shit at a friend’s house. That in itself can be very disturbing. No one wants to shit away from home, it can ruin everything. When the pain first hits, you try to fight it off, act like it’s not real. You literally hold it in until your turd has choke marks around its little brown neck. Then the inevitable happens, you MUST give in.

You must make up some form of excuse like calling your mom or something lame that could take a minute and excuse yourself as you walk briskly to the bathroom farthest from the main areas, and that you have clearance for. You have alternating cold chills and sweats by the time you get to the seat. You slowly lower yourself down as any abrupt move could cause a  disaster and you promise yourself that you are just going to do as little as possible to get the cramps to stop.

Ha, that’s just in your mind. The mission suddenly turns ugly as you start making noises that would shame your gastroenterologist. You just KNOW everyone is aware of exactly what you are doing. You try to hurry but every time you wipe, here it comes again. After what seems like an eternity you finally finish up, the whole time thinking up the perfect excuse of why you have been gone so long and then it happens…..

You flush and the water keeps rising……You can feel the panic begin to set in and your pupils dilate and your breathing becomes more labored. You are an inch from disaster when the water finally stops rising…..But, there is still shit and paper in the bowl. Your mind is going crazy now, you check the cabinet for a plunger or a bottle of pills to swallow. Anything is better than what is about to happen. Now you start trying to think of how long it’s been since you left….Will they suspect anything? You take the back off the toilet (why, because it has nothing to do with the toilet being clogged. But you still do it) to see if there is anything that will help.

Once the water has declined somewhat comes the decision, should you try to flush again or just fake it like it wasn’t you? They will know. You find the plunger and give it a few hard and fast pulls and the toilet suddenly empties and you nearly burst into tears. You have been saved. You vow to never shit away from home again.

That is what dropping an instrument in the OR is like and how I have felt all day. Pretty intense, huh. It’s a many wonders why I haven’t snapped yet.