Sunday, October 13, 2013

Boy I wish I were home.....

Day 3 in Captivity:

            Last night I received a phone call from my mother around midnight when she informed me that she was on her way to the ER with my daughter Charleigh Joe. According to mama Charleigh Joe had vomited a large quantity of bright red blood, enough to scare my mother who is not easily upset.

            I was already asleep and I thought that my bad luck/karma/negative occurrences had passed, little did I know the worst was yet to come. Once she arrived at the ER, she had lab work and CT scans and it was decided that she needed a higher level of care and was transferred to Vanderbilt Children’s hospital via ambulance early this morning. 

            Of course I tried to find a flight out and was unsuccessful in finding one for less than 700 dollars. My mother assured me that she was fine and that I should not worry, she was going to be with her and my other children were going to be with my brother Chad and his wife Megan.            

            Jeremy and I fretted all night and day and by this afternoon, mama was satisfied that she was fine and it was probably sinus related. She started bleeding again this evening and has been type and crossed for blood transfusions, has continued to run a fever despite fluid bolus’, and antibiotics. My mother and my baby are all alone in this huge hospital and I have never felt so helpless in all of my life.

            If I had known any of this would happen I would have never set foot out of the state of Tennessee. We have a flight out tomorrow but it is not a direct flight and we will not arrive until around 5pm. All I really want is to go home and I will not venture out without a great reason ever again. I feel as if I have traded a little pleasure on my behalf on the backs of my family. Guilt is overwhelming and I am drowning.

            I sit in our hotel room, keeping check on my phone, making sure it’s charged, etc. It’s as if I can will the situation to change. My mother is so worn out and I can’t do anything about it. My daughter is so sick and I can’t do anything about it. My sons are being watched by my family and everyone is away from me. I knew my instincts were right. I’m not cut out for traveling.

            I realize that this did not happen because I decided to travel, but I could have been home so that I could have taken care of it myself and comforted my other children. I am very glad to have seen my family but I sure wish I was home.