We know what you're thinking...

      

 Busy, busy, busy I have been. Between work, home, and kids, I’m just about to lose my appetite…yeah right… I was talking with my oldest son yesterday while we were eating supper. He is all boy. He doesn’t like for his food to touch or mix, he eats one thing at a time, and I let him in on a little secret about most men.

       Most men will only poop at home. I know this because I have lived amongst many of them throughout my years. They like to strip off naked and relax, apparently it helps with the process.  When I confronted him, he was stunned that I could know this information.

       I always find it confusing when I see men eating in our local Hardees for breakfast. Their gravy and biscuit combined with coffee has the potential to be fatal. So how these old me go in there and consume pure rocket fuel and not have the option to go in public…maybe that’s why they always get a to-go cup…It’s not like you’re doing something wrong, a bathroom was designed especially for elimination. Why men think that that is so crazy I will never know. 

       The biggest deal about it shouldn’t be the fact that you are pooping in a men’s bathroom, it should be with the guy who stood at the urinal long enough to notice you WERE pooping. That’s the weird guy.  Of course it doesn’t bother me, I haven’t been to the restroom by myself in over 18 years. I could be a lot more productive if they had Wi-Fi and electrical plug in’s in the toilet, I wouldn’t even mind having meetings or conversations in the bathroom with others who are eliminating. I’m not embarrassed, everybody poops. I can’t be the only one that considers this a waste of productive time.

       When I say productive time, I don’t mean crushing candy, or playing words with friends. I mean making lists, paying bills, checking emails, making appointments. These are things one can do while “in your office”. 

       Matthew was amazed that I knew so much about the habit of others, especially men. I am a very observant person.  I like to notice similarities and patterns I guess. 

Hoping things may get better, soon...

          I’m not usually the happiest person in the world, but one thing that definitely helps is something very few people know about.  I have a great fondness for owls. Maybe not owls in general, but one particular owl. For whatever reason it brightens my day. It is a rare occasion that I get to see it, but I know exactly who he is.  I saw that owl this morning early while driving to take Charleigh Joe to daycare.

          I have had a pretty bad run lately of having bad luck.  I’ve been broke, learning a new job, adjusting to Jeremy’s new job and him not being available. It has just been stressful. When I saw my owl this morning, I knew my luck was about to change.

          Earlier in the week, while I had no money, I ran out of gas on the side of Highway 111 with Charleigh Joe still in the car.  Luckily my friend Nick was awake and gracious enough to help me out.  Later that day, I decided that I would go out at lunch and use my last few dollars to get gas, I ran out before I could make it to the filling station. Yes, out of gas twice in one day….I have not slept well this week, I don’t feel like I have spent any time with anyone.

          Well, today I just knew that my luck was turning around but soon I just realized that the only thing turning around was a THP 0fficer pursuing me for a speeding ticket. Crap, I didn’t even try to talk my way out of it. I guess I’m just glad he didn’t shoot me or anything.  Now that I had 3 bad incidents (bad comes in 3’s) I had hoped for better days ahead. I know they are coming.

          The weather was just perfect on my drive home I had the sunroof open and the radio blasting The Stroke, Billy Squire.  I felt like Billy Madison on his first day of high school. I pulled up at the stoplight feeling great and something to my left caught my eye… I finally realized it was a feather, like the one on Forrest Gump. Forrest always seemed to have a good ending and I watched the feather fly away, mesmerized and lost in thought.  Now I was positive that things were going to get better.

          I’m glad that I had a few minutes of peace before I realized that I was riding behind a chicken truck…

Sleeping with the enemy...

      

My new endeavor has begun and it seems as if I may have found my niche. I realized that a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. Tomorrow a brand new group of students will join the ranks on their pursuit of a nursing career. How exciting to be a part of their journey.

       This weekend has been very relaxing, no pager to interrupt life with my family. I however, cannot say that about the alley cat who decided to birth a litter of kittens under my house. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love kittens. They are adorable. They are so sweet. I love kittens.

       However with that being said, the cat that deposited the 4 kittens under my house does not seem to be a  good mother. Those kittens cry loudly all day and all night. Which in turn keeps us awake, as they are right under our bed…

They seem to be thriving, as noted by their strong, loud meows…. The only time they are quiet (I gather) is when their mother finally shows up for care, which seems very rarely. We keep a constant check on them just to make sure that they are ok and healthy.  I don’t know what cats do all day other than nap, surely she could nap with her offspring.

       I try not to judge any parents journey as every family is different, but this mama cat is the sorriest piece of carbon that has ever been. The cats that I have been around in my lifetime have been great mothers, hardly leaving their litter at all until they are older. These barely have their eyes open and their ears have not opened yet.

       Jeremy brought two of them in to see me, there are 2 Russian blues and 2 blacks. They are adorable. I am so tempted. My only thing is that we have had enough pets.  Poor Nettie couldn’t resist eating at least one of them as she is an ex member of the Hispanic gang, the Latin Kings (She was a shelter dog and told me she did it just to survive, apparently the Chihuahuas run everything on the inside).  I would never tempt her or risk the life of those kittens, but man I wish they would play quiet mouse, still mouse for one freaking night.

       Oh well, if that is all that I have to be concerned with (other than poor Bruce Jenner) then I’m ok for now. I’m gonna go to bed with ear plugs tonight so maybe I can get some rest. I’ve sent Jeremy back out there to nestle the little houseguests in for the night with fresh linen. It always makes me sleep better, I hope it works with the kittens.  

Happy Vasectomy Day!

       So my blessed little Charleigh Joe just turned 4, how time flies. I was fortunate enough to be able to enjoy the fact that I was exposed to both sexes of children as she was the last of our four and surprised us with her gender.  We never found out the gender of any of our children were, it was like the last great Christmas gift that wasn’t hidden with the rest.  The one that you couldn’t quite get unwrapped enough to identify.

       My husband felt like this was it, that four children made our family complete.  He decided to get a vasectomy, and I was agreeable, it was easier than me getting a tubal. 

I was very pregnant and I accompanied him to the urology office just 3 days before our precious bundle of joy was due to arrive.  My husband, normally quite shy, was beside himself with anxiety. 

       Once we were in a room, the nurse presented with instructions for him to get undressed from the waist down and lie down on the table. Already visibly upset, it only got worse when his pant less torso lie freezing on the bed. It didn’t help that the pretty young nurse didn’t like the shave job that I had performed at home.  As she revamped the ‘do that I had previously styled, my husband had apparently reached the zenith of his anxiety and ask for a drape to be put up.  The nurse kindly obliged and shortly the doctor came in and gave him some IV Valium. 

       Soon after his injection, I slowly began to watch his body loosen up and eventually began the rhythm of a regular, soft snore. He only briefly roused up when the doctor came in and began his procedure.  It only took around 30 minutes to render my man safely sterile. 

       About halfway through the procedure, the pretty young nurse left our room and another, more mature nurse came in to assist the doctor. Jeremy never even roused until the procedure was finished. While taking down the drapes, I got up to assist my husband to a sitting position, he quizzically looked up at the nurse and having noticed the change for the first time from the pretty, young thing to a more mature nurse ask me, “how long have I been asleep”?

       Happy Vasectomy Day to my husband.

Leaving Las Vegas...

So as my last week of one job is about to begin, I am feeling more than a little melancholy.  After all these years at the same employer, I have made more than a few friends. I will truly miss them. I have not really advertised the fact that I am leaving because when I talk about it, I get tearful.

       These are not just my coworkers, they are my friends and confidants, many who have been for years.  I know that the relationships will change, I will no longer be privy to the intimate details of their lives that are shared when you see someone as much as we have.  We have shared in births, deaths, marriages, and divorces.  All of these things are part of life and its changes.

       As I lie here with Charleigh Joe watching Mulan, I know I have made the right decision. My heart is sad that I will be so removed from so many relationships but I know that this is also the beginning of a new life. I already have relationships with my coworkers and am forming new ones each and every day.

       One group will never take the place of another, but there is some consolation knowing there is someone else to get to know and new things to learn. If I didn’t talk to you and didn’t let you know that I was changing jobs, it was probably because I was afraid of getting tearful. Please forgive me.

       

A Parent's Prayer

Dear Lord,

I know you are here for all of us whether we believe or not. I know you have a plan and although we may not understand it, everything happens for a reason.  It is for this reason that I may ask you why we have had to endure all this snow and ice?

I realize that some people may have prayed for “one good snow” and I can appreciate it, but if my children do not go back to school soon, we may have a moment straight from the movie, “The Shining”.  I am so sick of the constant fighting, eating, dragging out of toys, fighting, and constant looking for batteries.  I can say that I have checked the balances on my credit cards and I could escape.  I realize this may not be the “right” thing to do but I’m a woman who knows her limitations.

I am aware that I am not a model citizen, I have caused a lot of problems in my days but I don’t know who deserves the environment that I have been living in over a week.  Between these 4 children I have purchased enough bread, milk, cereal, and batteries that would cost an entire paycheck.

I have one who is constantly rebooting the internet, disgusted with his speed (we have the fastest available in our area) and complaining. I reminded him today that there are those who are without power and we should be very content….the next child in line has managed to start a fight with EVERY single person within a 100 feet distance. I cannot tell you how many altercations I have presided over, just call me Judge Judy.

Poor Cooper has not had enough stimulation to keep him occupied and therefore has been very hyperactive. I have considered either crating him or putting him on a run line in the back yard.  Charleigh Joe is the only one who has had contact with the outside world as she has been to daycare a few times.

My husband has started to tear up several times, usually when staring out the window looking at newly formed precipitation. I have assured him that they will return to school soon, sometimes we have to tell half-truths to get through hard times. I got a winter weather advisory calling for more snow tomorrow. I didn’t tell him. I can’t stand to see a man cry.

In light of all that has transpired, I wish to express my thankfulness that I am warm, have electricity, and my family is well. 

Also, I am about to go fucking crazy if these children don’t go back to school soon... I will be happy to take any children who live on Highway 84 into school if they will just open the fucking doors.  I don’t think that a large percentage of people realize that by leaving children at home for extended periods of time, without breaks, causes parents to contemplate and sometimes make bad decisions.   The struggle is real.

I have decided that this is a cry for help. I am at my wits end.  I cannot begin to express my frustration with the daily fights, one of my children is like a court reporter.  He reads back the minutes of everything that everyone has done all day.  I just want to be left alone.

Lord, if you are listening, help to save my children and any other children that are in danger right now. Warm up our area, no more snow, lots of sunshine and let those school buses roll on.

Poor Tyrannosaurus Rex

         

 Well I can’t sleep. Whether it is the racing of thoughts through my head or more probably the realization of yet another flaw I cannot tell.  It has come to my attention that I am shaped like a T Rex. Large body with disproportionate arms. I saw one of the Tyrannosaurus Rex hates push-ups T shirts years ago but never really thought that much about it until lately. It seems that I am a T Rex reincarnated, and we know this does not end well.

          Because of his genetic flaws the Tyrannosaurus Rex does not fair very well.  Sure he is a bad ass for those who don’t realize that he can’t particularly use his upper body at all, which was a high percentage of other dinosaurs and unfortunately brains have developed faster than the T Rex’s arms and I am at a loss. I am going to list a few things that the TR hates:

1.     Push ups

2.    Belts

3.    Urinalysis collection

4.   Folding sheets

5.    Sweeping and/or mopping

6.   High shelves

7.   Arm wrestling

8.    Rock, paper, scissors (only 3 fingers)

9.    Washing window

Obviously the list could go on and on as you get the idea. Big body, abnormally small arms make for a nightmare in so many things but especially a finding a fitted blazer.  Now, this may not sound like much to you but it is something that really upsets me.

Why should I be given yet another hardship in trying to fit clothes to this misshapen body? I’ve got sticks like a Rockette, tits like a porn star, and the arms and torso of the mighty king of the dinosaurs. How does that seem fair? 

Yet just another example of how life is tilted....