The things we do for money, and cheetos

          Oh, the joys of parenthood, I have successfully explored everything that I can possibly handle for the night. Wyatt has ask for a stress ball and some acne wipes. Cooper and my nephew Pierson had a punching match followed by playing babies with Charleigh Joe. I think the birds are having an argument….

          I’m ready for bed.  I have broken up fights, put kids in time out, and disciplined more than I want to, and then I came home from work. I am exhausted.

My sister in law Megan came by and did my nails at my request. She is so good to me. She’s one of those girls who is 7 feet tall and all legs…. Blonde, gorgeous, smart, and down to earth… what a bitch.  She was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt and made it look hot. Sometimes I hate myself. I swear I’m going to stop eating….

          Sadly that never works. I always give in, I’m not as committed as those monks who set themselves on fire or Kirstie Alley. Bless her heart she and Oprah have dropped more weight than a Navy warship and still end up fat. I guess I shouldn’t talk about my own kind that way, bless their hearts.

          As this trip nears, I find myself becoming more anxious. I even applied the wrong eyeliner this morning. I know that doesn’t sound like a big deal but I take my eye makeup very seriously. I AM a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant and I take my job very seriously. My stress is showing on my skin, I’m broke out 14 year old boy combined with a bearded lady. I don’t know how much more I can take. My moustache is even turning gray for God’s sake!

          Surely everything will be ok. I can’t be so unlucky as to actually be involved in an incident. I don’t know if my skin can handle that and I will never be able to go without carbs in an institution. There are places I can’t go and without carbs is one of them.

 I am carb dependent! I know how it will go down….I will be admitted and be deemed obese and be started on a diet of mulch and water. After several fistfights with staff over food, I will end up transported to jail. I’m not too proud to start braiding bitches hair for Cheetos. We all have to do what we have to do to survive and I for one don’t judge, or rule anything out.

My children will be scattered to the wind as my mother has always warned me that if I ran off my husband she would leave town to avoid responsibility as a grandparent. Isn’t that pretty of her to say! My angels would never do anything to cause her distress.

Speaking of stress the current government shutdown comes to mind, shouldn’t the jails close? I don’t understand what all this stuff mean. Perhaps I am just an idiot but I don’t get it. How does the government shut down, it’s not a factory or a 7-eleven, it’s not sold out or out of stock. It seems like to me that if it is “shut down” then perhaps we should explore other financial options.

Perhaps I could recruit some of the better looking ones to sell Mary Kay or some of the not so great looking ones to do medical videos. From what I hear they won’t show your face and its cash money. Just sayin, a lot of us have done worse to support our own households. For the elected officials who have not forfeited their own paychecks but put others out of a job, Anderson Cooper is watching you and I hope he outs you like Doogie Houser at election time.

On a more positive note, my home medical video from school, the one with the strange guy from work, got a 50/50 possible points. He has also agreed to do the next 3 videos for me and finish out the semester. I didn’t tell him I only needed 2 more……