I just want to go to bed....

          Well, well. I have found myself at the sleep center once again. I really didn’t realize that I would have to come back again but somehow a little “staycation” at the hospital seems kinda right. I have had a slow week up until tonight.

          It all started to fall apart when my mouth came full circle and Charleigh Joe became the final child to utter profanity. All children do it, some just keep doing it (me). The same rule goes with biting, children all bite. Their animal instinct comes out and they are like a pack of wild animals as soon as you turn your back. I believe it is inate, inborn, and cannot be stopped.

          Another thing with kids that is inevitable is at some point you will experience the plague called head lice…..I personally believe this is the specific plague that Jesus mentions in the Bible. They called it locusts, I call it head lice or head locust. The first sign is a kid that is randomly scratching their head for no reason….Your stomach drops to the floor because what is to follow is a process that is really month long and extremely exhausting.

          I spotted Cooper scratching his head this evening as soon as I came home from work….Holy shit was I scared. One child with head lice cause a mother to commit suicide every 60 seconds, and I was afraid for my own safety. I calmly ask him to sit in the kitchen chair and I broke out the super duper lice comb that was purchased on the first occasion my house was infested.

          I slowly and methodically went inch by inch through his thick mane of glossy blonde hair relaxing a bit with each clear square and then I saw it. Yes, the boy had lice! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.  This is one of those deals when you just want to run away, just forget your responsibilities and leave, but instead I broke out the “foster family” size bottle of NIX shampoo and set out to treating the infested boy.

          After his “treatment” was applied, I calmly ask Wyatt to sit in the chair and as he saw Cooper he knew what was up and  practically burst into tears. He remembered the last time, and what a toll it took on everyone. The constant checks, linen changes, laundry, treatments, and tears that it took to clear up the outbreak.

          Thankfully no one else in the house had any evidence of “you know” and I set out to changing linens and such. It is one of the worst things in the world to treat and no matter what, you constantly itch. I think that I would rather have chlamydia than head lice. It truly is the plague and can strike at any moment.

          My wonderful little Cooper, who took our bank statement to school today for show and tell and then he brought home lice….I wonder if Craigslist has a place to list a child for sale?