New Year’s day,
another year has passed and we are still here. We are still trying, perhaps not
as hard as Andrew Frev http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/12/30/andrew-frey-meth-masturbating_n_4518225.html. He
is the gentleman arrested in Oregon after getting high on meth and fighting off
15 police officers, all while masturbating. That is dedication. I don’t know if
I have that kind of dedication in me, even if it is the New Year and everyone
should be hopeful about the possibilities that lie before us.
Everyone I know
makes New Year’s resolutions. I have never been the kind of person who believes
that just because the calendar changes, so will I. Nothing changes except the
date and yet the gyms will all be filled with people who have resolved to lose
weight or get into shape. Weight Watchers meetings will be packed with hopeful chubby
people.
I wish I could
at least try….I’m afraid the thought of me trying is blasphemy. I have tried
lots of times (at different months and years. I even tried New Year’s) to get
into shape and lose weight, thus prompting the guilt eating that happens when I
cave and fall off the wagon. I am a disappointment.
I know there
is a skinny bitch in me, I probably ate her. I just wish that I did have the
will power to turn down unhealthy foods and get up a little earlier to
exercise. I am at the point where it is not a want anymore, it is a need. I
simply cannot bear to get any bigger.
I remember
100lbs ago thinking that I was so fat. I can only dream of being that fat
again. My life is so inconvenienced by my weight and yet I have not “had enough”
and made a life change. I guess smothering while sitting at restaurant booths and
shopping in the tiny corner of the back of clothing stores hasn’t been
humiliating enough. I have never figured out why we are in the back of the
store, it’s like even THEY are ashamed of us…
Even to shop
for things like underwear is humiliating. If you are over a size 18, you WILL
be wearing a pair of black or nude granny panties. Now factor in the fact that I
have enormous breasts and my bras are practically government issued, I cannot
believe my husband is still interested in me. He must have Stockholm syndrome.
Normally I can
stave off the negative feeling but every once in a while I succumb to the
thoughts of granny panties and Winnie the Pooh shirts. There are only a few categories
of clothing that are generally available to those women of size.
First you
have the Winnie the Pooh T-shirt. It is a second runner up of the Tasmanian
Devil T-shirt. For the older plus sized crowd, there are 2 standard T-shirts
available: the cat playing with the ball of yarn, and the birdhouse T-shirt.
A good
portion of plus sized clothes are elastic waisted and come up to your nipples
(it’s as if they KNOW we will get bigger), or where your nipples are supposed
to be. So imagine this: granny panties paired with a government issued matching
nude brassiere, a T shirt with Winnie the Pooh stirring his honey pot paired
with a pair of elastic waisted pants…..You are doomed.
You have
officially entered the point of no return. You will be living with your parents
until they pass and then you will begin take over ownership of the 20 or so
cats you will eventually amassed over the years. It is a sad prognosis.
Perhaps I will
buy into this New Year’s resolution stuff before I get so large that they have
to take a wall out to get me out of the house(wearing my Winnie the Pooh
T-shirt and granny panties) while TLC films the whole thing.
My resolution
is to try harder at everything that I do, or I will end up like a TLC show. I
hope I can complete this without fail. I will try.
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