Friday, January 10, 2014

Snow days: Cruel and unusual punishment...

          Day 21:
          The idea that if they ran out of ready to eat food that perhaps they might leave, failed. We are out of ideas to force them to leave. I don’t know how much longer we can take this. Our home was not meant for all 6 inhabitants to coexist for stretches of time such as we are currently experiencing. Jeremy thinks we should just leave and let them have it to themselves. He says that it will be just like a mattress fire, no one will know what happened.
 As it stands now, bearing good weather our next possible window to remove the children from our home is Monday. That will have been 24 days….the cold hard facts are more than a bit hard to swallow. That is a long time to spend with your 4children locked inside 900 square feet….
          These %$^$$^&@ snow days have come close to ruining my life this year. Children are not meant to be with their parents ALL the time…the royal families may have had it right when they used nannies and boarding schools to help with the upbringing of their children. I could do the same thing, IF I were wealthy and a part of the world’s elite…I think I could sneak into this group even if I had a Williams Sonoma Cheese Hamper. I could talk my way through the rest of the requirements, I do really well under pressure.
          My husband Jeremy doesn’t even look like himself…He looks worn down and frayed. As if the next moment could be the “one thing” that sends him into a full downward spiral. He dreads this time off in the winter more so than the summer. At least in the summer you threaten to send them outside into the land of no air conditioning and no video games and they pipe down for a while. We like to refer to this place as “outside”.
          Unfortunately if the children are out of school for Christmas break and then the full allotment of snow days, it’s often too cold for the neighbors to see you send the children out. I really don’t have time for a DHS interview right now. Who knows what I might say just to get a break. A slight slip of the tongue, and all the sudden my house is quiet…sounds too tempting.
          I see on  some social media sites that everyone is making fun of how some people, I took it to be areas that did not receive a lot of snow, seemed to freak out and buy up all the bread and milk. I felt like to depict my demographic better is to show a woman with a house full of children fighting over the same fucking item. It could be the toothpaste or it could be the TV, same difference as far as a parent is concerned. They are both “shared items”. This woman, if depicted correctly, would appear unkempt and be wearing a nightgown sans brassiere. She would have appeared to be sleep deprived and possible crying. She would look a lot like me.
          Our “Home Sweet Home” has become its own version of a 3rd world country with an unstable government. There are back door dealings, alliances, and unconstitutional searches and seizures. There is no Geneva Convention to monitor and mandate procedures. This is MY HOUSE, and I make up the rules as I go along.

          Now, I’m sure that there are some of you who have NO idea what I’m talking about…Your children are very well behaved and never argue, let alone get physical with each other. Your house is probably perpetually clean and well maintained. If this is you congratulations, everyone hates you. You are abnormal and frankly we are scared of you. Please stay away or we will get out our Duck Dynasty guns and shoot you. This is your warning.

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