Oh my goodness, what a week. I
have had one of those stressful weeks. You know, the kind that air on EVERY
soap opera still airing…I’ve had a blast from the past come back into the show,
a stressful week at work, Wyatt’s 11th birthday, and school has been
out for snow.
That last little element has caused me to have
to remove all of the pills, belts, and shoe laces from the house as Jeremy is
officially on suicide precautions. I have made him contract for safety but this
time it’s for real. All of this shit has to happen to me in the middle of an
actual diet attempt…WTF?
I took Wyatt to Cookeville today
to celebrate his birthday and we started out at IHOP. I was good and only at ½ of
an omelet. I was so jealous of all the others around me who were eating “all
you can eat pancakes” and just for a second, I wished them all a sudden bout of
explosive diarrhea. That is an honest statement, do not judge me.
I took him with me to the
doctor where I received a steroid shot in my shoulder. When did I get so old? I
guess I should ask “Tim” as he apparently noticed. I don’t remember passing
that sign, I’m just worried about what comes next. You know, constantly
worrying about my bowels and trying to run everyone’s life? Isn’t that what a
great majority of middle aged women do?
Our birthday shopping led us
to a good haul at Kohl’s. I had a 30% off coupon and we loaded up. Even the
cashier double checked his numbers and complimented me on my savings. I’m
really good at crap like that. Too bad no one needs a personal shopper. I would
definitely be your girl for that. After Kohl’s, we went to Old Navy and then to
TJ Maxx where I was found the most peculiar candle.
The candle was scented tobacco
and oak and the very thought of it turned my stomach. For some reason I opened
the lid and was stunned at the calming aroma that emanated from that jar. I
have no idea why that scent was so soothing, so familiar, but it was in my
shopping cart before I left the aisle.
I was unable to procure Wyatt
any jeans anywhere. I guess I will have to go online, again. Wyatt is endowed
in the rear end area. Baby got BACK, for real. He has an ass that make
strippers jealous, randomly people throw dollar bills at him. He knows about
making it rain. It did not come from me. I have the dominant no-ass-at-all gene
and my other children have it as well. Wyatt is the only one who doesn’t need a
belt to hold up his pants. I will have to go online and get the birthday boy
some apple bottoms or something like that.
Hobby lobby was full of crafty
folk and Wyatt spent plenty of time perusing their model plane and model car
selection while I panted to keep cool and tried not to lay down in the floor. I’m
not the woman I used to be, one day of shopping and I need to rest. I was so
tired, it was almost as if I had taken cold medication or something. The
steroid shot was certainly not systemic.
He finally made his selections
and I picked out a pattern to make Charleigh Joe some outfits. I’m sure that
they will not look like the picture but at least I tried, right? When we got
home my first order of business was to take a nap and when I awoke it was time
to get busy again.
I did the normal house things
like the dishwasher and wipe the counters off. I sent the dogs out to potty in
the snow and the little bitches were gone for 20 minutes! I was overwrought
with worry. I just knew I was going to Hell for freezing those puppies to
death. I went outside and called for them and looked everywhere. I followed
tracks in the snow and finally had to come back in as Cooper was here by
himself….Not a good thing at all.
When the dogs showed back up
on the porch, I was so happy and so upset that they had caused me to worry like
I had been, apparently they didn’t realize I was on a diet either. But, on a
lighter note the doctor’s office scales weighed me 13 lbs lighter than I was
the last time I was there. I have successfully expelled a few pounds, I just
hope I can keep this up with all the drama in my life right now.
We have a huge day scheduled
at work tomorrow…at least that is what my pager indicates. I’m going to go to
bed extra early so I can get up extra early, around 3am. Jeremy who is also a
part time weather man informed me that it would be 18-19 degrees in the morning
when I left for work. I don’t know why he felt he needed to tell me that, I didn’t
expect it to be 60 or anything. I shouldn’t bitch as I love the man, and his
weather reports.
With this last paragraph, I say
adieu. I am going to bed and hopefully to sleep quickly so I can be rested and
ready for a big day tomorrow at work. I will put on some extra wrinkle cream
just in case “Tim” is there. I ask him to bring me some hard candy and I vow to
write him a 7 dollar check for his birthday. Obviously I am still upset over
the age thing.
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