Throwback: I've been to Hell, I'm not scared....

Because I have been relating only new happenings, I'm gonna go throwback on ya. We will travel back to 2003 when my 2nd child was born.

 My ex-husband and I did not know the sex of the baby and I was so excited. I knew this child was a girl. Her name would be Vivian, and she would be beautiful. I packed a single pink outfit that I had purchased and wrote Vivian over and over again like a love stuck teenage girl.

 I had a relatively uneventful labor with Pitocin (should be banned in human use without first administering Propofol). When my water was broken later that night (to those who don't know, that's when shit gets real) I had a prolapsed cord and went to the OR emergently. My ex-husband went out to smoke. I can't believe we couldn't work it out... Another story.I was lying there intent on seeing my daughter for the first time, and then the child was out and held over the drapes for me to see...

 It was a boy, and he promptly pissed all over my paralyzed, numb body. It really hasn't changed any since.

 He was absolutely the worst infant in the history of time. He cried nonstop for hours on end. He was as stiff as a porpoise trying to nurse. I had enough milk for him, my coffee, and cereal and I couldn't get him to latch on. My breasts swelled to enormous proportions (they are normally a 44H) and I was in misery. I took hot showers, hand expressed milk, used cabbage leaves to ease my misery, and eventually I could get him to latch on.

 My mother stayed with me at the house for a few days and we decided to take shifts through the night with me sleeping the first few hours after nursing and then her the next. I soon began to realize that he woke up just after my shift has started.  I couldn't take it anymore and after I fed him, I slowly put him to bed and prayed it was over for an hour or two. I then climbed on a chair and rolled the clock back to 10 minutes before he normally woke up through the night.

The next night I anticipated his cry, I walked into the living room and caught my mother looking at the clock in disbelief, she couldn't believe that it was still her turn. I went back to bed and slept for a few more hours. She never caught on the whole time that she stayed and it was only a few years ago that I actually told her what I'd done.

His colic went on for months, I tried nursing him with my cannons and then went on to try him on every formula available in the continental US without luck. I had him at a well baby check and I ask the doctor about Paregoric. He informed me that Paregoric was morphine and they don't give that to babies anymore. I ask him how much Paregoric, a 200lb baby would take because if he couldn't sleep, why couldn't I?

I love children very much and would expand my family if I could, and every once in a while I get the opportunity to hold and nurture a little one again but I know why they find babies in dumpsters.